Heard this rather good gag at a financial conference this morning:
A parish vicar dies and goes up to the Pearly Gates where he is greeted by St Peter. St Peter bids the vicar to step aside and sit on a wooden bench and wait for some formalities to be dealt with.
About half an hour later a farmer comes up, dressed in his overalls. “Ah, Mr Jones, welcome to Heaven! Please do step through the gates,” St Peter says. The vicar looks on, a mite baffled, but keeps quiet.
An hour later, a hospital surgeon of brilliant renown comes up, and again St Peter joyfully waves the good doctor through. Again, the vicar bites his tongue and waits to see what happens.
Suddenly, a sleek young man in a suit carrying a copy of the Wall Street Journal steps in. “Wonderful to see you Mr Gekko!” shouts St Peter. “So good to see you at last.”
At this point our vicar can contain himself no longer. “Why have you let in that capitalist pig through the gates while I, a humble servant of God, have to sit outside on a wooden bench?” the vicar exclaims.
“Well,” St Peter replies, “We let folk into Heaven these days because of results. You see, the farmer gets in because he produced food. The surgeon got in because he healed people. And you, dear vicar, produced no results. In your sermons most of the congregation fell asleep.”
“What sort of results did that hedge fund manager give, then?” asked the vicar.
“Well, that guy produced money for his clients. And unlike you, vicar, when he was at work, his clients were praying.”
