“Dear Britain,
In accordance with our jointly agreed plan for regime change in Iraq, we would like to place an order for various British fighting personel in order to assist with our military plans in the region.
Having carefully considered the wide range of assets that your country has to offer, we would be most obliged if you would arrange to place the following units at our disposal:
1. A large contingent of Glaswegians to be stationed at Iraqi pubs and bars where they can be relied upon to inflict heavy casualties on the enemy when their drinks gets spilled.
2. A contingent of chirpy, cheeky Cockneys who will boost moral by inventing rowdy, obscene songs about Saddam Hussein and who will also greatly liven up the eventual victory celebrations by dancing around in the fountains of Baghdad, half-naked and wearing Union Jack underpants on their heads.
3. Since we expect some degree of close-quarters fighting, a division of soccer fans will also be required; most particularly those with experience in ripping out the seats of football stadia and using them to hospitalise European policemen.
4. A contigent from Liverpool will also be desirable as it is anticipated that we will have to occupy Saddam Hussein’s heavily-guarded Palaces and therefore burglary skills will be required.
5. Also please supply all available drug-running gangs from Manchester as we understand that they have even more firepower at their disposal than we do.
Please confirm at your earliest convenience that the above-listed requirements can be met.
We look forward to working with you on what we are confident will be a successful joint venture.
Yours Sincerely
The Pentagon”
Samizdatae
I can’t be sure, but I think I detect some regional biases. Aren’t you’all politically correct yet?
Bob in the hills
Last week, I won second prize in a farting contest.
This matches the joke about the French sending in the Jean Paul Sartre brigade.
Bitter disappointment at being left out is reported in Ballybunion,Co. Tyragh, HQ of the Royal Irish Rioters.
The Republican Guard is no match for the soccer fans. We can send in Argentinian soc fans, too – as long as they and the Brits fight on separate fronts.
Never mind the Argentinians.
We’d have to separate the firms.
West Belfast could offer some excellent sappers, and no one can beat the Marchers of the East. Just let them loose on Baghdad and walk in after the riots start; meanwhile the other guys can blow up Baghdad Hilton. Just put a sign on it that says Europa and they’ll have no trouble finding it.
We’ll need some bagpipers too, for psychological warfare.
I like the Pub war suggestion; awesome firepower! PL
I like the Pub war suggestion; awesome firepower! PL
I like the Pub war suggestion; awesome firepower! PL
I favor the Pub action; sounds awesome. PL
I take it the pub thing works for you then paul????
Ya need not go thru the Lowlanders (Limeys) ,to get ta the Highlands ,Lad. If ya want the job done right, if ya want the bastards dead, call on us straight. We’ll stop tending the sheep , put on our kilts, fill our pipes and meet ya at Eilean Donan to board ship.We’ll be back in a short . Doesnt take the Clans ,a sharp Claymore and scurlling set of pipes ,all day to slaughter a few rags heads.
John McRae