SCENE: BRUSSELS. OFFICES OF THE EU COMMISSION. THE COMMISSIONERS ARE HUDDLED AROUND A SHEAF OF NEWSPAPER REPORTS FROM THE MIDDLE EAST.
LOUIS: Look at this…..100 per cent!!
HANS: It is truly amazing
DIRK: I wouldn’t believe it if I couldn’t see it with my own eyes
SVEN: Vote after vote, all the same; Saddam, Saddam, Saddam, Saddam, Saddam……
HANS: Yes, and how many did that cowboy Bush get, eh?
LOUIS: Precisely, Hans
DIRK: That lucky, lucky bastard
LOUIS: ‘Luck’ had nothing to do with it, Dirk
SVEN: You’re right, Louis. The Iraqi people obviously adore him
HANS: If only we could get an endorsement like this
DIRK: We, too, have our own loyal supporters
LOUIS: Yes, but they’re both getting old now
SVEN: I don’t understand. What does Hussein have that we don’t?
DIRK: Well, the Americans actually pay attention to him
LOUIS: That’s not the reason, Dirk. No, the man is obviously a campaigning genius
HANS: Clearly
SVEN: 100 per cent. 100 per cent. I just love saying those words…
LOUIS: Sven, get your hands out of your pockets, this instant
SVEN: (Sheepish) Sorry, sorry. I..er…just got a little carried away
DIRK: We must find out Saddam’s secret
HANS: Yes, that must be our top priority
LOUIS bangs his fist down on the table
LOUIS: I know exactly what we must do. We must support the American attack on Iraq!
SVEN: WHAT!!??
DIRK: Louis, are you mad?
HANS: You cannot be serious, Louis
SVEN: What about our principles?
DIRK: What about stability in the region?
HANS: What about my investments in Baghdad?
LOUIS: Listen to me, you fools. We support the American attack, they go in and do all the fighting and depose Saddam….Then we bring him to Brussels and employ him as our Public Relations Consultant.
SVEN: Louis, that’s…that’s brilliant!!
DIRK: Damn, why didn’t I think of that?
HANS: Louis, you are a Born Leader.
LOUIS: I know, Hans, I know. And, one day, all of Europe will agree with you.
Bet we will be seeing that in the Guardian ere long…
(Very, very funny BTW)
I just got a letter from the Vietnamese government it says:
Dear United States,
We are really sorry, really really sorry, about how we treated you in the Vietnam war. Really. We understand now, you really meant well. You were trying to liberate us, to have a better life in freedom. You see, we just got it mixed up, because our heritage is such that we have always repelled invading forces that are porportionately larger than our own. Can you say China? Do you know how much we hate, I mean hate China? Not like we got any help from them, the bastards, we had to go to those wretched soviets and listen to their ubiquitous self-praise before we got anything from them. Sadly, the worst help we got was from Jane Fonda and your peacenik anti-war protesters in America. We always knew we didn’t stand a chance without them. Their traitorous propaganda combined with our own has lead to the stinking backwater shit hole that Vietnam is today. Not to mention casualties in southeast asia of three to five times those we suffered fighting misguidedly against you. But thats how communism works; everbody gets it, one way or the other…
So, would you please accept our apology and pretend that you liberated us, and treat us as you have treated those of the murderous regimes you have vanquished thoughout the world? We would really appreciate it and would love you long time! For Truth this time!
yours, sincerely
/*LOUIS: Listen to me, you fools. We support the American attack, they go in and do all the fighting and depose Saddam….Then we bring him to Brussels and employ him as our Public Relations Consultant.
*/
Too bad he is already hired by Dubya for his next campain.