Daily Life for Al-Qaeda
MEMORANDUM
Monday, October 22, 2001 @ 8:17am
FROM: Bin Laden, Osama
TO: All Cavemates
RE: The Cave
Hi guys.
We’ve all be putting in long hours lately but we’ve really come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says “There is no ‘I’ in ‘team'” as well as the one that says “Hang in there baby.” That cat is hilarious.
However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can’t forget to take care of the cave. Frankly, I have a few concerns.
First of all, while it’s good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you don’t want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave daily. I’ve posted a sign-up sheet at the main cave opening.
Second, it’s not often I make a video address, but when I do I’m trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we’re taping,please don’t ride your razor scooters in the background … just while we’re taping. Thanks.
Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we’re not supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene, especially after mealtime. We’re all in this together.
Fourth, food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently and clearly wrote “Osama” on the front and put it on the top shelf. Today my Cheez-Its were gone. Consideration, that’s all I’m saying.
Finally, we’ve heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. The first patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar and Richard.
Love you lots.
Osama.
