The British government has promised to tackle Britain’s underachieving railway system head on and build a brand, spanking, new, spiffy, super-duper, hi-tech, luxurious, efficient rail network for the 21st Century
According to HM Government this miracle of modern transportation will be so generally splendiferous and commuter-friendly that, not only will the trains run on time, they will actually call at your house, wake you up, get you dressed, make you a cup of coffee and kiss your kids goodbye before whisking you off to your destination in hitherto unimagined levels of opulence and comfort
Sounds great, doesn’t it? There’s only one teensy-weensy little snag: er…there’s no money to build it. Nada. Zippedy-doo-da. Not a bean, a sou or a red cent
See, you can forget all the guff you may have heard about the alleged privatisation of Britain’s railways. The railways were never privatised. They were leased off on state franchise and bound hand-and-foot by regulations. A few years down the line (scuse pun) and the government is shocked, SHOCKED to discover that the main operating company, Railtrack is running at a huge loss and promptly takes it into receivership
Now the government is saddled with responsibility for rebuilding a decaying transportation system, mollifying an angry public and dodging lawsuits from even angrier Railtrack investors who have lost all their money. Boy, do these guys know how to make a rod for their own backs or what??!!
Still, ever mindful of the next election, the government has promised the above-mentioned whizz-bang new railway system with the money that they ‘hope’ to raise from private investors
Fat chance!! After watching the government send the Railtrack investors home with nothing except a kick in the pants, I know what my response would be if the government asked me for my money. I can’t print it here but it would consist of two words the second of which would be ‘off’
So, this weeks competition is to find a solution to this problem: How can the British government build an envy-of-the-world, state-of-the-art railway network for the 21st Century with no money whatsoever?
Please send your answers to:
The Right Honourable Tony Blair PM
10 Downing Street
London SW1
The winner will have the honour of having his or her idea credited to the aforesaid Tony Blair for PR and re-election purposes
