I am writing today to solicit your support in favor of the “And A Pony” Party, the only party that truly cares.
Other parties advocate minimum wage laws, but only the AAPP advocates raising the minimum wage to $175 per hour and giving all workers a pony. (We ask why our political opponents lack the courage to stand up for our working people.)
Other parties favor preserving old-age pensions, but only the AAPP proposes tripling all old-age pensions annually and giving every retiree a pony. Why do our opponents fail to support our position? It can only mean that they hate the elderly, don’t want them to live well in their golden years, and wish to deny them the companionship that only a pony can provide.
Other parties propose providing all citizens with health care paid for by someone other than themselves, but only the AAPP proposes giving all citizens free health care, weekly massage and spa treatments, and a pony. Our opponents clearly do not care sufficiently about the well-being of all our nation’s citizens, and refuse to join us in this call.
Other parties propose spending more money on education, but only the “And A Pony” Party is bold enough to insist upon reducing class size to one half (that is, two qualified and state licensed teachers per student) and providing a pony for every child in school. Surely every child will learn better if provided with two full time teachers, and what could be more important than educating our youth? We call on our political opponents, who do not seem to care about our children as much as we do, to stand aside in favor of those who truly are concerned for their future.
Other parties would like to reduce our nation’s dependence on foreign oil, but only the “And A Pony” Party proposes to provide every family, completely free of charge, with as much electricity as they could ever use, generated entirely by clean technologies, and a pony, too. Our opponents, who are in the pockets of big energy and the anti-pony lobby, would have us continue to enrich the fat cats forever, and would deny families vitally needed ponies.
Other parties believe the government should reduce unemployment, but only the AAPP proposes to give a good, high paying job to every worker who wants one no matter what their skill level or age, and a pony. Would our opponents give every worker a good, high paying job? They have been in power for decades, and yet they have not delivered for our people. It is time for a change!
Other parties pretend that they want to do something about the growing problem of hunger in our country, but only the AAPP promises to provide every creature with a functioning digestive tract within the bounds of our nation’s borders as much free, nutritious and well prepared food as they can possibly eat, as well as a pony. (The astute will note that we are therefore promising to give every pony a pony. This is correct. You will note that the other political parties do not promise to give every pony a pony, let alone provide free meals to all ponies, thus demonstrating that they are indifferent to the suffering of our nation’s noble equines. Indeed, it appears they do not care about the hungry at all!)
Other parties pretend to care about the plight of the homeless and advocate for more public housing, but only the “And A Pony” Party would give every citizen, living or dead, an eight bedroom mansion complete with a fully heated swimming pool, a tennis court, and a stable with a pony in it. Our heartless opponents pass the indigent begging for scraps on the street every day and cannot find even a trace of kindness in their hearts for their plight, let alone work, as we will, to assure that every citizen gets a mansion and a pony.
In the next election, you face an important choice. If you truly care about the future of your nation — if you truly want to see our people live the lives of prosperity, happiness and pony ownership that they deserve — there is only one possible party you can vote for: the “And A Pony” Party. I sincerely hope, for the sake of our country, that you support us in our quest to help our children, the homeless, the hungry, the sick, the old, and the poor.
Nah, I think I’ll still vote for the “and the horse you rode in on” Party.
… and a free lollipop, please.
after the election: “keep digging, there’s a pony in there somewhere…”
“You will note that the other political parties do not promise to give every pony a pony, let alone provide free meals to all ponies, thus demonstrating that they are indifferent to the suffering of our nation’s noble equines. Indeed, it appears they do not care about the hungry at all!”
Those heartless beasts want ponies to die! How do they sleep at night? Obviously there’s a more nuanced take on this, but, broadly, voting for the AAPP = not being a c*nt.
The trouble with the AAPP is that they’re a one-trick pony.
Presumably this is the 21st Century update of 40 Acres and a Mule.
My wife says she’ll sign a petition for that platform.
Of course, we’re in California, and I think California may already have that.
The AAP party will also solve gun violence by mandatory exchange of all guns in civilian hands for ponies.
Why would ponies need guns?
In Venezuela you are lucky if you can have a pony for dinner.
And two ponies in every pot.
PerryM, I demand the right to be your very-highly-paid political consultant (and get a pony too). In that capacity, I would move the paragraph in which you promise to give every pony a pony. Put it last just before the “In the next election…” paragraph. The whole programme is excellent, of course, but I think you want to win over the voters with all the other guarantees before every pony gets a pony. Our core voters are high-minded of course, but some of the floating voters we must attract may think that if every pony gets a pony there won’t be enough ponies left over for all of them.
We at the ATPP – the And Three Ponies Party – condemn and denounce the ill-disguised efforts of the extremist pony-hoarding AAPP to limit citizens to one single pony while the rich and powerful ponylords continue to amass millions of unearned ponies.
Pony Austerity as public policy must end, for the sake of our children! Reject the lies of the long-discredited AAPP and demand the three ponies that are rightfully yours!
I’d vote for you, I could do with an extra £25 !
Mind you you’d be outdone by the And A Monkey party.
And if I actually want a donkey, I suppose I’ll have to bloody well take what I’m given and do as I’m told. Hurray!!!
Second Alisa!
An excellent and hard-hitting discussion. Equal ponies for all! If one has a five-legged pony, then all must have one! And horsepersons to curry them, exercise them, give them their hay, and muck out the stalls.
.
That’s right, Mr Ed. You’ll take a pony and like it! Besides, it will give you an understanding other with whom to converse. (I almost said “someone to converse with,” but again, that would imply speciesism. And would end with a preposition.)
Out here in the hgh plains of the American Southwest, we are blessed with herds of feral Spanish Mustangs and ornery mules.
We have been waiting for the markets in meat, glue, and stylish bomber jackets to bounce back.
Sometimes one can actually use a pony for transportation, it is said.
Perhaps in rare instances wherein one does not get killed in the process.
Oh, I saw that one! The Misfits, with Clark of the Gable and Miss Monroe. Good movie, if a trifle depressing.
Julie: Five-legged? That seems hopelessly inadequate. Odin reputedly had an eight-legged one that was incredibly fast. We just need to get Loki to have more colts. . . .
I agree with you Perry M. – politics too often descends into a bidding war, and the “me to” right is always likely to lose the hard left in such a bidding war.
And it is not even necessary – as the voters are not (in the main) the utterly corrupt subhumans that so many politicians will be. The people will respond to a message that says “I have nothing to offer you – but blood, toil, tears and sweat” not just “I will give you the Moon and the Stars – and a Free Pony!”
People turned against “Austerity” in Britain because it was obviously FAKE – Mr Osborne obviously had unlimited money for things he liked, such as the E.U. and “Overseas Aid” (that scam that Peter Bauer exposed decades ago), and blatantly political “infrastructure” schemes targeted at marginal seats.
For years people accepted it all (but with growing cynicism) – but eventually they decided that if there was unlimited money available for what the powerful wanted, then there was money available for free ponies as well.
Note to all politicians (including me) – if you say that money is short, do not quietly say to yourself “apart for all the things I want to spend money on”, the people will notice.
Yes Julie – The Misfits is a good film, perhaps it is depressing because it was written by the ex Communist (who never really shook his Marxist assumptions) Arthur Miller. It must be hard to live a lie – indeed to live off a lie. Mr Miller made his name by writing plays and short stories implying that Communists were not real (that they were mythical – like witches), every time he looked in the mirror and remembered the Communist meetings he had himself attended (with all those influential people) to know that his life (and career) was based upon a lie.
The great lie that American academia (as well as the entertainment media) is based upon
For the population is not really naturally evil – not naturally corrupt, they are born with good (not just evil) in them. It takes a great deal of effort by very talented people to corrupt the people – to get them demanding ever bigger government as the solution to every ill (real or false). The great lie is pretend that those people do not exist – that it is “paranoid” (as in “The Paranoid Style of American Politics”) to think that they do exist. And that is a “witch hunt” to oppose them.
M. Monroe (influenced by drink and drugs) rather let the cat out of the bag with her words about how government should give people everything they want – where had the lady got that idea from? From Arthur Miller and the other “intellectuals” – she did not think it up herself.
The idea that people should be able to “hunt in the morning, and fish in the afternoon and be critical after dinner without ever being a hunter, a fisherman or a critic – for society will organise production” comes from a book written in 1845, and Mr Miller knew very well who the author was. As did the other “intellectuals” who took so much power in the 1960s.
It will never work. Ponies are not magical. Unicorns are needed. If we can find a breeding pair, in 244 years we might have sufficiencies of unicorns.
I voted for Vermin Surpreme in the 2016 election because of “ponynomics”……..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4d_FvgQ1csE
Will the leaders of the AAPP have horses? I recall from Animal Farm that all ponies are equal but some ponies are more equal than others?
Just saying, is all … >};o)
If there aren’t enough ponies to go around, can I have a share in a pony? Until we all have a pony? We don’t want to encourage monoponies, after all.
Nicholas! Yer doin’ it again…. 😆
Sorry, Julie, and anyone else who was irritated by my horsing around.
N-A-A-A-Y !!!! *Ee-e-e-ewwwww* :>))!!
Fun as they are, these arguments don’t work.
Those in favour simply reply that they are not asking for £100/hr, but £12. They won’t argue against £100/hr will cause unemployment, but they’ll use confirmation bias to point to evidence that a modest increase won’t increase unemployment.
They won’t argue against the point that everything can’t be free. But they’ll point to an internet meme that shows fewer free things can be paid for.
If anything, these arguments support them in their beliefs. Because why are you arguing against the minimum wage will be £100/hr when that’s not what is proposed?
To argue against this stuff effectively, find individual examples of people who suffered as a result of that policy.
During the recent election, a local business with a good employment reputation said they would have to employ fewer students if the minimum wage went up and was really worried about that.
All very well, but do I still get my owl?
Jamesg (July 5, 2017 at 7:01 am), while I agree with you that these arguments “will not work” in the sense that Jeremy Corbyn, if he read this, would not then exclaim, “Good heavens – I’ve been wrong my entire life”, they can discredit a certain mode of arguing – and for a certain kind of 18-year-old voter, this argument is clearer than one that requires numeracy
As Sam Duncan’s link (Obviously there’s a more nuanced take on this, but, broadly, voting for the AAPP = not being a c*nt) demonstrates, the argument begins with stuff like, “Only the cruel and heartless would deny poor exploited workers a measly £12/hour.” Forcing your opponent to betray zero sense of humour or else accept that £112/hour can be rejected without being heartless, let’s you ask whether £12/hour can be disputed without being heartless – and if so, does your opponent have any other arguments, or is it all, “Only the cruel and heartless can disagree with me.”
The left rely on shutting down discussion, so arguments that open it up again are useful.
People turned against “Austerity” in Britain because it was obviously FAKE – Mr Osborne obviously had unlimited money for things he liked, such as the E.U. and “Overseas Aid” (that scam that Peter Bauer exposed decades ago), and blatantly political “infrastructure” schemes targeted at marginal seats.
Congratulations Paul, you are officially the thread optimist. Strange times indeed…
Of course the idea that the government (sorry “society”) should provide everything to people according to their “needs” (basically anything the state decide they should want) and that opinion should be “educated” to demand collectivism goes back long before Karl Marx (1818-1883) after all Plato was making essentially the same case thousands of years ago.
The Cambridge spies were collectivists before they were Marxists – from the doctrines of Plato and so on they were taught at school. The hatred of “business” and the desire for collectivism is not just in “Kim” Philby – it was in his father as well (the fact that his father was a socialist who betrayed Britain and spent his last years plotting against British and French “colonialism” in the Middle East was not considered relevant in relation to whether “Kim” should be given a position in the intelligence service).
Philby senior was rewarded for his work in helping the House of Saud to power (by betraying the House he had been sent to help) by being given slaves (slavery was legal in much of Arabia till the 1960s – and is clearly in line with Islamic law, indeed Mohammed himself was a slaver) – if freedom is a “capitalist illusion” then there is nothing wrong with slavery, as “true freedom” is being given stuff. However, Philby senior fell out with the House of Saud (not because they were too evil – no because they were not evil enough, they had “sold out” as far as Philby senior was concerned) and had to move on to Lebanon where he engaged in various anti Western plots – his son “Kim” being on friendly terms with him (the establishment did not seem to be able to understand that this might be a bad sign about “Kim”).
However, the 1960s intellectuals who pushed “Food Stamps” (1961) and the little changes to FCC regulations that gave an monopoly of entertainment television to the left (by forbidding outside companies having editorial control over shows they paid for), ironically in the name of “creative freedom” (an Orwellian use of the word “freedom” to mean the crushing of dissent), were not really reading Plato or even looking back to how the Roman Republic had been destroyed by “bread and games” (“free bread” rather than freedom – imperial coins sometimes had a loaf of bread on the back with the word “libertas” underneath – sickening) they were looking to Marxism – to a free-stuff world.
Of course they wanted a “civilised” and “democratic” socialism – rather than the dictatorship of the Soviet Union and Mao’s China, but Arthur Miller, J. K. Galbraith (and the rest of them) had no problem with the principles of collectivism themselves – indeed these principles were their principles, and such intellectuals spend their lives teaching people (via the education system and the media – especially entertainment and culture) to want ever more collectivism.
The resistance of human moral reason (the nagging doubt) is difficult to overcome – but the intellectuals are very hard working.
For people who regard such things as “The German Ideology” (1845) as expressing a noble aim – free ponies is just one more step.
In the past many of the collectivist intellectuals (Plato’s bastard children) rather liked Fascism and National Socialism as well (see Keynes’s introduction to the German edition of his “General Theory” in 1936 where he is very pro the total state that had emerged in Germany), but this has been shoved down the Memory Hole.
The socialism of people such as George Bernard Shaw and H.G. Wells is admitted (free ponies for all) – but their flirting with ideas for exterminating the “teeming million of blacks, browns and yellows” is pushed down the Memory Hole – and they are presented as good people, with noble aims.
For example when Glenn Beck found an old recording of G.B. Shaw arguing that every person should present themselves to a government board to justify-their-existence (the board to be constituted in a formal way – Mr Shaw explains) and executed if they could not satisfy the board, this caused great anger. Great anger against Glenn Beck – not against George Bernard Shaw.
Mr Beck is not an “educated” man – he did not understand that the public is “not ready” to see such things from Mr Shaw, Mr Wells, Mr and Mrs Webb (and on and on).
Collectivism must be presented as free stuff for all as “true freedom” – that is what M. Monroe was taught by her husband Arthur Miller, and it what she expected from President Kennedy (see her rather too frank words about what she now expected from government – Jack Kennedy himself had his doubts about the schemes of the intellectuals).
The mass extermination of endless millions of people – that less attractive side of collectivism must be carefully hidden, till the public are “educated” enough to “understand”.
Collectivism is sunshine and sweets – and, of course, free ponies for all (free food – a “basic income” and on and on). The Death Camps must not be mentioned – after all the public still have this strange nagging doubt (what used to be called the voice of moral reason – the conscience), best not to “confuse” the public, as their doubt might surface.
Of course people have to be TAUGHT to want the free ponies – contrary to those “experts” on democracy who have never helped in a election campaign in their lives (I have helped in every election campaign in my town, local and national, since 1979) the public do NOT come along and demand X, Y, Z free stuff and regulations that have not existed before – they have to be TAUGHT to want new free stuff and new regulations (this is where the “opinion forming” intellectuals come in).
Ordinary people in 1965 were not demanding an end to Freedom of Speech and Freedom of Association Britain (the 1965 Racial Act in Britain – which went further than the 1964 American Act by attacking Freedom of Speech, not “just” attacking Freedom of Association with the “anti discrimination” doctrine) – the intellectuals had to teach people to accept these attacks (to regard them as normal), even in 1979 the ordinary Conservative Party was against the “race relations industry”, but the “educated” (including in the Conservative Party) supported the agenda.
Even in the 19th century the public were not demanding “free and compulsory” government schools – this was imposed from above, as were pensions and “national insurance” later (early 20th century) – there was no mass movement of ordinary people demanding all this stuff.
Not in Britain – and not in other countries either.
It is always imposed from above – and the public are then taught to expect it. It is nothing to do with “evil democracy” – and everything to do with a collectivist (or semi collectivist) establishment elite. Frederick the Great (and other such statists) were not democrats – and Rousseau and co were not really democrats either, as they believed that if most people (the “will of all”) were AGAINST some aspect of statism, this just meant that the people were confused about what they should want, and the “Lawgiver” should impose the statism anyway – as the “General Will” (even if the majority of people were AGAINST it). This is the “democracy” of the French Revolution or the European Union – “keep voting till you vote correctly”, not the democracy of an old style New England Town Meeting (the last thing the intellectuals want is ordinary “Babbitt” style people actually being in charge).
When the collectivists (such as Noam Chomsky) talk of “creating wants” or “manufacturing consent” they are “projecting” on to “capitalism” what they, the collectivists, actually do.
Hardly anyone would want free ponies (and so on) from the state – unless they were carefully educated to regard this as normal (and even then there is still the “nagging doubt” that comes from human personhood – the soul).
It is often forgotten that “The Manchurian Candidate” (the original version – not the Marxist agitprop remake) was actually a hopeful film.
At the end of the film the man regains control of his own mind – at least enough (for enough time) to frustrate the designs of his controllers.
Things do not have to end as they do at the end of the original “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” film – with a desperate man screaming warnings at passing drivers (who think he is drunk or insane) about how their society (their very families) are in terrible danger.
Warnings that were not really about aliens – and were really warnings about what was later to be done to America in the 1960s (and is still being done to American society).
It has long been difficult to get warnings about collectivism past the “gate keepers” of official culture.
The efforts to block the publication of “The Road to Serfdom” in the United States were exposed by Mr Crouch of Chicago University Press (he published the letters of Mr Miller, an senior employee of a leading New York publisher, how “ungentlemanly” to publish private letters – the totalitarian “gentleman” must be allowed to do their work in private…..).
Even the famous Edgar Rice Burrows (the creator of “Tarzan”) found himself unable to publish his warning book “Under the Red Flag” (the Gate Keepers prevented publication). So the writer rewrote the book as science fiction and set it on another planet.
Project Veritas is hated in the United States (at least by “educated” opinion) because it exposes what the establishment left do every day – from vote rigging to disinformation and agitprop campaigns. Hard to argue with a video tape of yourself boasting of your crimes – so distract attention by attacking the “McCarthtite” “Red Baiters” going after CNN and so on.
Ditto the Hollywood collectivists exposed so many times – they talk rather freely when they think they are just among friends.
“No, no, no – it is all lies, the people have always wanted free ponies from society”.
Yes – of course they have…. silly me for thinking otherwise.
Free Pony?
Pikers.
In the US we had 40 acres and a Mule”.
(OK, not REALLY,)
We ALSO had “Obama’s gonna’ pay my gas, and mortgage!”
(OK, Not really either!)
But we DID have Obama’s gonna’ pay my phone!
(OK, not rea….wait!)
Running round the lovely West Midland area of Tipton one night (I had good reasons) I found myself going along one of those strange ribons of not-quite-parkland that most social housing schemes seem to develop in place of an actual functional area where kids can play and deadbeats can abandon stolen cars (I may have lied about Tipton being lovely). Now, as it was dark, and running in Tipton without being able to see who is waiting in front of you is a good way to become an additional crime statistic, I was using a headlamp, so I was somewhat taken aback to see two eyes reflecting at me (the inhabitants of Tipton not normally being cat-people (there is debate on the people, but as they make good pies I am giving them the benefit of the doubt – and never getting my hair cut there)). As I got closer (none of this sensibly avoiding possible dangers for me – I am British for God’s sake) the eyes became attached to a horse (it is possible they were attached before, but I cannot attest this). I then encounterd four more horses, all grazing this area.
So it appears I have discovered where the AAPP have been trying out their programme – and the result is that you get a horrible fright running through a park when an unexpected horse appears in the middle of an urban area. Admittedly the problem might have been avoided had I a pony to ride, as it might have warned me of the forthcoming equine peril, but I suspect the danger of heart attacks for people not as healthy as me (there are documentaries about them on Channel 5 quite a lot) is real and has to be taken into account.
Alternatively it proves people can get ponies if they want them, so what the hell business is it of government’s? But that sort of intemperate assertion of the fact that the inhabitants of Tipton are actually able to do things themselves (some of them legal) is obviously discriminating against someone’s safe space or something…
I’m going to vote for Howard the Duck, and the All Night Party. Get down, America!
By the way, Perry M., first-rate posting.
Keywords:
Politics; Current Messes; Satire, exceptionally inventive and humorous.
:>)))
Paul Marks
July 5, 2017 at 9:46 am
At the end of the film the man regains control of his own mind – at least enough (for enough time) to frustrate the designs of his controllers.
Warnings that were not really about aliens – and were really warnings about what was later to be done to America in the 1960s (and is still being done to American society).
“No, no, no – it is all lies, the people have always wanted free ponies from society”.
Yes – of course they have…. silly me for thinking otherwise.
Etc….
Immersive VR Is Immortal-Scott Adams
http://dilbert.com/strip/2017-07-05
Didn’t The Manchurian Candidate come out right after “Mothers little helper” became popular, and the cusp of psychopharma (and lobotomy) was being tried out at all the BEST sanitariums?
This is just blatant austerity-mongering from a privileged political elite who want to fob the populace off with ordinary, run-of-the-mill ponies while selfishly hoarding all the magic unicorns for themselves.
You’ve only yourself to blame if you fall for the blandishments of the ‘And A Pony Party’. Savvy voters look beyond lamestream politics and see the brighter future promised by the ‘Moon On A Stick Plus Pink Fluffy Magic Unicorns Farting Free Rose-Scented Rainbows For Everybody Party.’
The problem with the recent UK election, we thought we’re voting for “It’s a sure thing 100 seat majority BRExit” Party, instead what we got was they “We can’t organise a piss up in a brewery” Party and Ulster Bigots coalition.
Harry Enfield as William Ulsterman (contains some swearing)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxpYW_w5pgo
I want my fair share of ponies and why aren’t the rich giving back?
“I’m going to vote for Howard the Duck, and the All Night Party. Get down, America!”
I’m with the Surprise Party.
(The Burns and Allen radio show had something of a tradition of elaborate publicity stunts and running gags, and in 1940, Gracie Allen announced she was running for President on the “Surprise Party” ticket. The party’s mascot was a kangaroo, with the slogan, “It’s in the bag.” Although she was never officially entered on any ballots, she toured the country holding rallies, her campaign song – “Even big politicians don’t know what to do. / Gracie doesn’t either, / But neither do you.” – was a minor hit, and she won enough write-in votes, 42,000, to become the most successful female candidate until 1972. She only dropped out of the top 10 last year thanks to Hillary and Jill Stein. Damn their eyes.)
Sam, that’s the first I had heard of Gracie Allen running for president, or about her campaign song. Here it is. (Isn’t YouTube wonderful?) Thanks!
Here’s the first episode of the 1940 season at archive.org, Laird. It should be possible to download everything they have from about 1936 to the early ’50s in one go, but the new interface over there is a nightmare.