The Malaysian carmaker Proton has announced plans to develop an “Islamic car”, designed for Muslim motorists.
Any suggestions as to a name?
|
|||||
|
We are developing the social individualist meta-context for the future. From the very serious to the extremely frivolous... lets see what is on the mind of the Samizdata people. Samizdata, derived from Samizdat /n. - a system of clandestine publication of banned literature in the USSR [Russ.,= self-publishing house] Authors
Arts, Tech & CultureCivil LibertiesCommentary
EconomicsSamizdatistas |
Does it come in British Racing Green?November 12th, 2007 |
 56 comments to Does it come in British Racing Green? |
Who Are We?The Samizdata people are a bunch of sinister and heavily armed globalist illuminati who seek to infect the entire world with the values of personal liberty and several property. Amongst our many crimes is a sense of humour and the intermittent use of British spelling. We are also a varied group made up of social individualists, classical liberals, whigs, libertarians, extropians, futurists, ‘Porcupines’, Karl Popper fetishists, recovering neo-conservatives, crazed Ayn Rand worshipers, over-caffeinated Virginia Postrel devotees, witty Frédéric Bastiat wannabes, cypherpunks, minarchists, kritarchists and wild-eyed anarcho-capitalists from Britain, North America, Australia and Europe. CategoriesArchivesFeed This PageLink Icons   |
|||
All content on this website (including text, photographs, audio files, and any other original works), unless otherwise noted, is licensed under a Creative Commons License. |
|||||
The Jihad Jalopy from Proton, prepacked with all the nails and C4 a Muslim “motorist” could ever need.
Destined to be a failure, for people living in the past – call it the MohammEdsel.
Allah Ack-Car!
Probably doesn’t come in BRG. But it DOES stop 5 times a day to wash the tires and pray-also tends to run down scantily clad women.
(Btw, doesn’t run on biofuel either.)
The Creepy Coupe?
As to name, “Da Bomb”?
Is there an option for extra dark window tinting so women can drive without their faces covered (not available in Saudi Arabia of course).
UmmahWagon……
It just makes me think of the Cargo Cultists.
Aping modern civilisation without actually understanding it.
The Iron Camel? o_O
Green is the colour of Islam, too, Thaddeus. Though that’s usually a mid-green not the dark one that racing green settled down to.
What a successful bit of PR by Proton, eh?
Now I want to hear some hot Saudi pop princess do a new version of the Sammy Hagar classic called I Can’t Drive 55 (Or At All, Praise Be To Allah).
Advertising by Mazda..
Ba Ba BOOM
Proton Jihad
Do they refer to camel power, as opposed to our concept of horse power? If so, what’s the CP on this?
Only Mecca-nics are allowed to service them…….
the first car to just go around in circles as it always has to face Mecca.
Thaddeus,
You have left me at a total loss. Do you know the origin of British Racing Green?
Serious question: how does the Mecca compass work?
a dedicated space to keep a copy of the Koran and a headscarf
Do I take that to mean that it has a glovebox.
Just heard on the news that in honour of Yasser Arafat all hell has broken out in Gaza. How… fitting.
I imagine it is just a GPS bearing towards Makkah al-Mukarramah.
I’d suggestn the Proton Fuckwitt for the name. Although that wouldn’t distinguish it from the other invisible friend versions they may wish to make.
Ham,
It’s called a qibla compass and although there is debate as to whether one ought to face in the straight line direction to Mecca or via a great-circle. Apparently the Craig retroazimuthal projection (which preserves direction) is helpful here but unfortunately can’t produce a map with global coverage – bummer!
Of course the question of whether one should actually be praying in a car or alternatively watching the bloody road is presumably open.
Nick M
British Racing Green as a car colour goes back to the early Grand Prixs of the thirties.
Each country fielding a national team had a specific colour which represented the country instead of the specific make or team.
Thus:
Britain – Green
Italy – Red
France – Blue
Belgium – Yellow
Germany – Silver
USA – White/Blue
Thats why most type 35 Bugattis are blue – French national colours.
I knew that Robert, but why Green? I’d heard it was a courtesy to the Irish because for some reason we had to stage an early British GP in the Republic. If what I’d heard is true then it’s an historical accident.
Does it have an estrogen detector and ejector seats?
When I said “a car for Muslims” the first thing my visiting sister said was “one front seat for the husband and four back seats for the wives?”
Slightly more seriously, she pointed out that the Koran holder will probably be in the headliner since it is to always be placed on the highest place in the house.
Fine, Mid, as long as there is room for the holes through which the ears will stick out.
Islamic Car? Who thinks crap like this up? A car is a car not some plot to force anyone to drive Un-Islamic cars.
Phil: you would think…
Nick M
Oh, right, I see what you mean.
There were no races in mainland Britain in the early days due to restrictions on road closures etc. so they did indeed set up courses in Ireland and the Isle of Man. As far as I can see, whilst some cars came in green (Wolseley and Vauxhall) there was no hard and fast rule; I’ve seen Vauxhall racers of the pre first war period in blue, and Wolseleys in black.
FIAT and Itala did have red cars, but ALFA were blue in about 1910. Mercedes racers of 1914 were white, and Peugots of the same period a powder blue.
I think it was just one of those things that became a tradition with use; its red, so its Italian, blue, its French.
I’ve only ever seen one yellow car, the Lago-Talbot of, I think, Eddie Merxx(?) in about 1953; the Belgians are not much into car racing it seems. Or possibly he was a cyclist?
Mid, Your sister’s latter thought had also occurred to me. I apologise for my earlier reference to Proton’s spectacular re-invention of the glovebox. Even more seriously the whole concept of an Islamic car only makes sense (and these are allegedly businessmen – you know supposedly hard-headed, market-driven types) if you buy into the fundamentalist agenda which has imams ruling everything to be either halal or haram (I know there are also things that are discouraged and stuff that is encouraged but I forget the names for this bizarre form of OCD masquerading as religion). Interesting to see if King Abdullah trades in the armour-plated but infidel Roller for a crappy but halal Malaysian GM clone with a Qu’ran holder…
But I shouldn’t be so mocking of the muslims over this one. Wasn’t there a green campaign along the lines of “What would Jesus drive?”
And I make no apologies for retelling that whilst scripture is silent on this matter the apostles were apparently all in one Accord.
If they’d all been in one Jaguar then it would indicate that early missionary efforts to Amazonia had gone badly wrong.
And if they’d all been in one Mercedes then Herr Benz would be loading his shotgun…
OK,
Sorry, Mercedes was the name of the daughter of Emil Jellinek who specced a car for Wilhelm Maybach. Daimler was co-founder of the company and quite where Benz came into this is beyond me (though clearly it wasn’t Mercedes mother). Unless…
Robert,
Thanks for pointing out the reasons there. Eddy Merckx was indeed a cyclist and a hell of a one. He won the Tour de France five times and his exploits avec la velocipede have only been exceeded (arguably) by Lance Armstrong.
He is now retired and commentates on cycle racing. He also owns a bike factory. It is highly likely that at some point he bought an automobile but that is certainly not what he is famous for.
Religious jalopies?
Well, there’s already a ‘Popemobile’, a Merc I think.
As for the Malaysian project, maybe ‘Crapmobile’…or Proton ‘Seether’
Well if they call it the Ishna Allah
then they are unlikely to be taxed or insured
or have seat belts for that matter…
I hope they sell loads. Heh heh heh!
I’m just brainstorming here, but the name of the Islamic car ought to be one which lends itself to a good advertising slogan.
Have you exploded a Ford lately?
Dodge (make that Hadj) Ram…because it’s Ramadan tough!
At Fuad, piety is job one!
Pretty weak. Anybody else have a suggestion? Jihadvergnugen?
NickM: You’re thinking of the Gordon Bennett race of 1903.The newspaper magnate Gordon Bennett ran an annual race in the early days of motoring which, before the advent of FIA mandated Grands Prix, World Rallies and what-not was the race to win. One rule was that the winning nation had to host the next running (like the America’s Cup). As Robert points out, road racing was (and still is) illegal in Great Britain, so as the British Empire won in 1902, the 1903 race was held in Ireland – still British at that time, of course – and Britain’s cars were painted green in honour.
Or so the accepted story goes. It doesn’t quite hold up since the car that won in 1902 was also green (a Napier in a fetching shade of olive, but then what’s now known as BRG was never exactly constant: BRMs and Lister Jaguars in the 50s and 60s were often a much lighter shade). An alternative theory is simply that since Britain wasn’t much cop at the time, red white and blue were already taken.
More likely, Robert’s right: that’s just the way it is.
Mercedes-Benz was the result of a merger between Daimler/Maybach’s and Karl Benz’s companies in the 1920s. Until the takeover of Chrysler about ten years ago, the firm itself was called Daimler-Benz AG. (It’s now simply Daimler AG.)
David B.W.: Trouble is, Proton owns Lotus. It knows what it’s doing.
I’d worry about the compass. You might find yourself in Magnetic Mecca by mistake.
The 911 is only available in Burka Black
Hijrah. After the time their prophet ran away.
Alright, I suppose it’s time some sap pointed out that Islam doesn’t have a monopoly on this brand of silliness. Or this kind. Although, I guess these are still less silly than Islamic cars.
Of course, as a Muslim car it has no forward gears and thus neatly encapsulates much of the Islamic ‘backwards is best’ mentality.
The Proton Caliph, for the luxury sedan
The Proton Qawi (“strength”) for the sports car
The Proton WifeChastiser, for the station wagon / minivan.
Tagline for the VBIED models: “Proton: You’ll flip over our cars!”
I wonder what a Christian car, or a Buddhist car, or Hindu, would look like and be called?
A Jewish car?
There’s plenty of scope for some Danish cartoonists on this one; they are braver than we are. Must be a people-mover – all those Virgins. (Where do they get so many, all the time, for all the zillions of dead-guys? There are certainly none here. And do the women get virgin men?)
Perhaps if a cartoonist come up with a cross-shaped car with a dying man nailed to the top, we can all call on the UN to trash their offices, and the Rushdie-raping-rabble will cheer us on in all fairness!
I cannot believe that no-one has suggested MoMobile.
Nick M,
Sorry, but cannot let your comment about Lance Armstrong being the only bike rider to match Eddi Merckx. In the history of the Tour and cycling in general you have to include Miguel Indurain – the original ‘Iron Man” – who won 5 times in a row (better than Eddie).
Who cares what it is called. Like takaful insurance, if it sales to a particular market with ‘Islamic’ bells and whistles, then good luck to them.
If the Islamic car is better than its competitors, then I could consider buying one. If it is not, then I won’t.
But like all other parts of the world, free markets are rapidly transforming the Middle East, and protectionism is the real barrier, not Islam.
Liberalism and trade are the solvents of extremism.
Does the new Proton Hajj come with a ragtop?
Car name…..how ’bout the Malaise
Later an off-roader will be sold called the Malaise Cross Trail.
The turbo being called The Malaise Very Cross Trail
Belgium = Yellow?
Surely not…
Of course, as a Muslim car it has no forward gears and thus neatly encapsulates much of the Islamic ‘backwards is best’ mentality.
One forward gear, three reverse, no brakes and only steers to the left?
A bit of a symbol for a civilisation that when it looks forward, turns to socialism, when it looks back, turns to ultra-conservatism, but ultimately can only go in circles, and won’t stop to let anyone out?
As for a name, how about the Proton Liberation Ought-to-go-mobile?
Yep. Here‘s a Wikipedia page with a full list. Sadly, as that page points out, the FIA has abandoned the scheme and it’s now only used informally. It makes A1GP – a modern series that involves national teams – very confusing for those of us with a sense of history.
Nice. That’s going in my collection of quotes.
Oldsmobile had the Cutlass Supreme, so if we go with the bladed weapon theme this car could be the Proton Scimitar.
But this crowd wants a funny name, right? How about…Camellac?
is there a ragtop model ?