Doctor Bickle, I presume

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all convictions, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

The world is full of belligerent numbskulls; frequently, the more ignorant, the more belligerent.

It is a soppy, and dangerous, progressive cliché that lack of self-esteem among the indigent and the criminal is a cause of poor social integration. There’s actually no evidence that the indigent and the criminal do have low self-esteem. On the contrary in fact, they tend to have rather too much of it.

Yeats got that. Polly Toynbee gets it too. Charles Darwin wrote, “Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge: it is those who know little, not those who know much, who so positively assert that this or that problem will never be solved by science.”

While this is distressing for the world’s more sentimental do-gooders, and seems to have had no impact at all on the growing self-esteem industry, it is an important observation, having great explanatory power, and not just for the history of idea. It is, I submit, at the core of such diverse social phenomena as gangstas, bling, Islamism, dangerous driving, the bullying petty official, the modern media health scare, the conspiracy theorist, and large chunks of the content of the web. Combined with the tendency for the assertive and persistent to get their own way, because others can’t bear endless futile arguments, it is much more than a marginal nastiness. Which is distressing even to the unsentimental.

What is more, there is a rational explanation. Dunning and Kruger, the Cornell psychologists who often get the credit for establishing that the least competent are most likely to overestimate their own competence – and hence (I paraphrase broadly) that idiots contribute most to the fundamental fuckedupness of the world – note that “the skills that engender competence in a particular domain are often the very same skills necessary to evaluate competence in that domain—one’s own or anyone else’s.” (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 1999, Vol. 77, No. 6 – no link because the copy I read online was probably infringing.) They assert that the syndrome can be cured by education. But I suspect that’s just liberal optimism speaking. Those convinced of their own superiority are the least likely to accept tutoring. (My esteemed co-professional “Dr Hibbert” has it right, for all practical purposes, below.)

Which is all by way of introduction to one of the most farcical correspondences of my professional lives. The writer proclaimed he was going to expose it to the tabloids, so can hardly object to its reproduction here. Enjoy.

From: “kyriacos kyprou”
To: [many of the world’s better known literary agents]
Subject: Kyriacos Kyprou – Greatest Mind Ever
Date: Mon, 05 Mar 2007 22:31:06 +0000

…below is the email I sent out to the recipients that this email also went out to.

…and there is nothing, at all, delusional with the claims I make, in that email, which implies those claims can well, be supported. And the points I make are totally valid points.

…following my email below are some of the replies I received, in this high democracy you all preach.

…two points – firstly the ruthless attack on my sanity and intelligence by an idiot calling himself julius.hibbert@hotmail.com (an pseudo email account, using a psychologist cartoon character from ‘The Simpsons’) are totally unfounded, but more notably, completely unprovoked.

…secondly they are replies that completely intrude my democratic rights – which implies are the claims I make exempt from the freedom of expression that democracy preaches? But more notably I do not take too well to the ruthless comments made about my intelligence and sanity. I am more than likely the greatest mind ever on this planet and I will make that claim if I choose to make it (especially when it is a claim that I can well support). And you can all stick your modesty. As if you all have something to teach about modesty. What you all refer to as the third world will tell you all about it. And if there is a third world then what does that make all of you – first, second or premier league? There is no third world – there is only the neglect billions endure.

…I also make the point that the house policy rules of the publishing world cannot also apply for a book like mine, because this is a book that needs to published. But the publishing world wants to play ‘we rule’ and ‘untouchable’ games with me.

…but also wants to throw a few humiliating tactics and insults my way – and it seems they are at total liberty to let themselves go, with any form of expression, it takes their fancy.

…and it seems I am supposed to accept that attitude, insults and humiliation.

…maybe I don’t want to accept it.

…and if you don’t get my drift – then let tell it to you all, in another way, since you all want to get all ruthlessly sloppy, with me.

…firstly for all of you, in the US – your president is a murdering bastard.

…and thousands of Iraqis perished solely to impress a very beautiful Laura (first lady). I know that that is one hell of a pussy I would go out of my way to impress. And Bush took it to another level, where anything goes – even, at the expense of thousands of Iraqi lives and coalition troops that also perished or were horrifically maimed.

…for all of you in the UK – your prime minister’s lips has ‘Bush’s ass was here’. And it must have tasted real good, because he was all for lending a willing hand in the unfounded slaughter that prevailed in Iraq.

…do you all know what I really want out of this life?

…a threesome with Laura and Cherrie Blair, would be nice.

…and I am not joking.

…maybe the FBI or Scotland Yard can set it up for me.

…and if the FBI and Scotland Yard find anything I have said in this email offensive – then I don’t see what your problem is – my mate julius.hibbert@hotmail.com and guy@[my client].com tell me that it is anything goes on the net and we can express ourselves in any way it takes our fancy.

…so take it up with them.

…as for Microsoft – it is a bit of a joke that this idiot julius.hibbert@hotmail.com is at complete liberty to use a pseudo email account – ruthlessly humiliate me and insult both my sanity and intelligence in the way he has – but also relay those emails to all those I have contacted.

…the other idiot, guy@[my client].com, at least had the decency to include all his details – that is not a smart thing to do, my man – with a man of my level of talent.

…this is the email I sent out to publishers and agents:

Kyriacos Kyprou,
Athanasiou Diakou Street, 4,
Agios Dometios, 2369,
Nicosia,
Cyprus

Email: kkyprou@hotmail.com

Tel: 00357 99740980

…my name is Kyriacos Kyprou ­ author of ‘gifted’.

…and I am the greatest mind ever on this planet. A claim well supported by the book itself and three others that follow the first book.

…basically your (major publishers) attitude of insisting that all books need to meet your house policies to make the grade of being accepted – even just to look at – is nothing short from criminal, literally.

…it is totally ridiculous that a mind and a book like mine has to meet up to your criminally ludicrous house policies to even get a look in – never mind being accepted for publication.

…all books cannot be subjected to having to meet the major publishers house policies to have a chance of getting published. It implies that this book needs to published. I shouldn’t’t have to need to surpass your moronic, house policy, hurdles.

…a mind and a book like mine cannot be regarded and treated in the same light as fictional or irrelevant non fictional, work.

…this book needs to published. It is not down to choice, but an obligation that this book makes the book shelves.

…a book like mine needs to be totally exempt from your moronic house policy rules. Or the government needs to introduce a publishing division that isn’t linked to commercial interests – to accommodate for books like mine that are necessary to publish – and are not just to serve bank balances.

…do you get my drift.

…I am the greatest mind ever on this planet. And my book completely changes the face of ideology.

…this is a book that needs to be published.

…do you get my point. And the ‘we rule’ attitude of major publishers, but also the academic world ­ is not only putting ruthless hurdles, restricting my book from getting published (as totally irrelevant, sort of thing) ­ but it is also putting hurdles to my own progress. I have the talent to take knowledge very far. But instead the prospect of publishing my book is at a dead end ­ and my own progress is at a complete halt, because I don’t make the grade of some moronic house policy rules ­ and the academic world likes to pretend that is the last word in knowledge (it knows everything, sort of thing).

…you will all come to see that I do not waste, myself.

…this email may be forwarded by correspondence to all major tabloids, in Britain and Cyprus ­ and other media and relevant parties.

Kyriacos Kyprou,
author of ‘gifted’.

…this is the replies I received from julius.hibbert.hotmail.com:

Dear Mr Kyprou

Your letter has been passed onto me by a concerned party who is
worried about the state of your mental health as the email below
suggests that you are somewhat delusional.

While I have not had the opportunity to read your book, at first
glance it is obvious that you don’t have a very large vocabulary, a
rudimenatry knowledge of grammar and punctuation, or the
intelligence to use the spell-check function.

This suggests to me that you might not in fact be as gifted as you
percieve yourself to be, and that your belief that you are being
conspired against by the publishing industry is a symptom of
advanced paranoia.

It is imperative that you visit a clinical psychiatrist as a matter
of some urgency, in order to receive a full diagnosis of your
psychoses and a prescription for corrective medication. I am certain
you will feel much better afterwards.

If you have already been through this process, perhaps you should
consult your doctor about providing more effective medication.

Forgive my unsolicited recommendation but I would also suggest that
anyone seeking a publisher would be well advised to refrain from
usage of adjectives such as ‘moronic’ and ‘criminally ludicrous’ as
they tend to offend regardless of their veracity. I have refrained
from using ‘insane’ and ‘idiot’ in my description of your good self
for precisely the same reason.

Good luck with finding a publisher, I hope you have found my advice
helpful.

Yours sincerely

Dr Julius Hibbert

…second reply from julius.hibbert.hotmail.com:

Dear Mr Kypru

It is now clear to me that you suffer from an acute Dunning-Kruger syndrome
with attendant Tourette’s.

While I have never heard of a cure for D-K, there might yet be a silver
lining to the cloud – you may find it both lucrative and beneficial to hie
yourself to the nearest school of Psychiatry and offer yourself as a subject
for study.

If you are fortunate, they may even name a variant of the syndrome after you
thereby providing you with a modicum of the fame and recognition you crave.

I am somewhat nonplussed by your aggression but intrigued as to how you
intend to ‘tear me apart like I never thought possible’ over the internet ­
are you a practitioner of voodoo? Perhaps you have devised a martial art
based on name-calling?

Yours, as before

Dr Julius Hibbert

P.S While it is true that ability with language is not a sure-fire way of
judging intelligence, unfortunately for you it is generally considered
essential for authors of literature.

…this is the email I received from guy@[my client].com:

At 22:22 02/03/2007, you wrote:
julius.hibbert@hotmail.co.uk

…you really are an idiot.

Sir,

It is quite clear to the many, many people on your cc-list who is the idiot. Would you please refrain from polluting our mailboxes again.

Guy Herbert
Commercial Consultant on behalf of
[My client]

…I am also a British citizen, but you can all stick your citizenship. And you can also stick my Cypriot citizenship, too.

…you can take both of them back.

…I am of no country – I am a human being.

…and this is more of a demonstration to show you all that the FBI and Scotland Yard are only there to serve the interests of politicians and higher social classes – they are only butlers, sort of thing. While the regular police force – in the same light of Cyprus Police Ltd, are only ever businesses to rip of the lower classes of the little money they make, with more notably, ludicrous amounts from nonsense traffic fines.

…you want to handcuff me – come and take me in – but I will make whatever claims I want, especially ones that I can well live up to. And I will make whatever point I want – and the publishing world is obligated to listen – not give me the ‘we rule’ and ‘untouchable’ attitude. But more notably come back to me with an onslaught of humiliating tactics and insults thrown the way of my sanity and intelligence.

…and hello Laura and Cherrie – thinking of you sweethearts xxxx.