“… doilible … snoiggal … wacespink … disclorping … thription .. illarptacture …”

What do you think these are?

feg – jes – vok – gop – ruch – dez – thob – cag – shug – wiss – miff – sleck

Words that used to exist, but which have fallen out of use? Words that ought to exist, to describe things that exist, but now have no word attached to them so that we can talk about them? Douglas Adams produced a little book called The Meaning of Liffe, or something similar, full of such concepts, with suggested words to describe them. “Pimlico – the pool of stale beer into which the barman deposits your change” etc. etc. Ruch – to vomit or cough violently, while still trying to rush for a bus or appointment. Sleck – to refrain so ostentatiously from performing one’s duties that even very, very posh people, who hardly do any work themselves, notice. And miff? Well, isn’t that a word already? Are we not “miffed” if things don’t happen as we wish? So miff must be the verb of that, surely. And “gop” is the Republicans, isn’t it?

sprell – creld – splind – fland – blim – flut – smez – shrid – sprund – shrong – brost – flamp

Still don’t know? Clue: it’s to do with learning to read. These “words” are to be found on page 17 of the latest Newsletter, No. 50, from the Reading Reform Foundation.

spow – clirt – throrn – scight – droy – scray – troud – drair – weeg – grort – ploon – frarp

I support the Reading Research Foundation, in the sense that I pay to get these newsletters and agree, for whatever that may be worth, with what they are trying to do. And what they are trying to do is beat some sense into all the senseless fools who now, still, preside over the teaching – or non-teaching – of literacy in the schools of Britain, indeed of the entire Anglo Saxon world.

The trouble with the RRF’s literature is that most of us can only concentrate on it for so long. This is because the argument is changing only with glacial slowness. The RRF explains that the best way to teach reading is to teach “synthetic phonics”. This means – warning: I may get this somewhat wrong – first learning what sounds are made by which letters and letter combinations, and then spelling out the entire word by spelling out each letter or letter combination. Something like that. The Satanic Tendency, for these purposes, are the Morons From Hell who believe that the way to read words is to guess them by looking only at the first letter or two, or by looking at accompanying pictures, or by looking at the shape made by all the letters together. “Whole word” and “look and say” are the phrases to watch out for if you want to catch a (il)literacy Satanist at work and drown him in your village pond.

The RRF people, although very determined and hardworking, are by their nature rather earnest and systematic people, who have got hold of the right way to teach reading and writing, and don’t really know what else to do except repeat themselves until enlightenment finally erupts. What they are not so good at is spicing up their stuff to make it catch the attention of civilians. Partly, of course, this is because they are absolutely sure that “spicing up” the material is absolutely how you should not teach reading and writing itself. Pictures and irrelevant joking and general side-issues are to be avoided like the mental plague that they are. Thus, RRF type people tend to have a puritanical devotion to their truth, and positively to dislike – to be exceedingly miffed by, you might say – all the trivia and silliness (as well as deadly seriousness) that an operation like samizdata.net brings to the business of spreading good ideas.

cleab – scrule – gurt – hoint – splafe – scry – chie – floke – grooring – shrawed – scurnly – slared

Ho ho ho, or if you prefer it, hoe hoe hoe. (I don’t like “Heh”, for some reason. Don’t know why.)

Okay I’ll tell you what it is. It’s Ruth Miskin’s Nonsense Word Test. Ruth Miskin is one of the bigger names of the Synthetically Phonic world, and this test is to see if those subjected to it actually spell out the words they “read”, or merely guess.

I’ve kept the best ones until last, as does Ruth Miskin, the best ones being, of course, the most elaborate and complicated ones.

phantrite – strowble – frubehabe – doilible – snoiggal – wacespink – disclorping – thription – illarptacture – naightentance – stobosaurous – feanlissable

Are you spelling out these “words” in their entirety? Congratulations. You can read.

Here’s how the page ends.

Letters should be read as sounds, not names. (Note: When the test is used as an rml entry assessment, allow 4 seconds a word. Stop when 2/3 errors are made in one box.) Complete test as far as is possible to ascertain breadth of phonic knowledge and blending ability. Tester has separate copy to record reader’s response for detailed assessment. This test should be given in conjunction with a real word and comprehension test to ascertain reader’s full skills in and out of context.

So now you know.