SCENE: A secret chamber underneath Whitehall. ‘Q’ is busy directing a gaggle of technicians when the sliding doors swish open. In steps OO7.
Q: Ah, Bond
BOND: Good morning, Q
Q: Off on another mission I hear
BOND: Yes. Her Majesty’s Government has gotten wind of a conspiracy by an International Hate Speech Syndicate. Seems they’re plotting to flood the civilised world with language that might be perceived as offensive.
Q: The Fiends!
BOND: Precisely. They must be stopped.
Q: You’ll need the proper equipment, Bond
BOND: Have you got my standard issue Walther PPK?
Q: Good grief, Bond! Are you mad? We can’t have people running around with guns. You might hurt someone. No, we’re going to issue you with these.
[Hands over a pair of brand, new trainers]
BOND: That looks like a pair of running shoes, Q
Q: Very observant, Bond.
BOND: Are they rocket-powered?
Q: No, but they are air-cushioned. If some snarling, evil henchman comes at you, you just slip them on and run like the blazes.
BOND: Hmm. I see. What about my Aston Martin?
Q: Sorry, Bond, but we’ve had to scrap that.
BOND: WHAT??!!
Q: It’s all part of our commitment to meet the targets for environmental protection agreed at the Johannesburg conference. You’re going to be issued with this bicycle.
[Wheels up bicycle]
BOND: Does it have any special features?
Q: It certainly does; it comes with a safety helmet and a set of knee-pads. Now do pay attention, Bond; you must never attempt to ride this bicycle without the proper safety equipment.
BOND: What about that silver gadget on the handle?
Q: Ah yes. Now if you press this little silver button here….
BOND: It fires a heat-seaking missile?
Q: No it’s a little bell that goes tring, tring, tring. Let’s everyone know you’re coming. Effective up to 5 metres.
BOND: I feel safer already
Q: Now remember, Bond, this is all the property of HM government and it has to be returned in one piece.
BOND: I’ll do my best, Q
[BOND turns to go]
Q: Oh and Bond……
BOND: Yes, Q?
Q: Do try to avoid seducing any beautiful, exotic women on your travels.
BOND: Is that because it may compromise the mission, Q?
Q: No, it’s because you may well end up in prison, Bond. Dismissed.
You know, this date rape law could get real teeth when combined with the European extradition treaty. Have sex with a British woman anywhere in the EU; if she regrets it afterwards, she can have you hauled before a British court.
Actually, the way the law is formulated she doesn’t even have to have sex with you to get you in trouble, because you also would have to “prove” that you didn’t have sex with her in the first place.
I hasten to add that this isn’t paranoia towards British women; there are disturbed people in any country who like to use these kinds of law to get others in trouble. The possibilities for abuse are endless.
Of course, there are disturbed men, too. What if some weirdo you meet in a pub claims the next day that you got him drunk and raped him? Would this law apply to such a case?
Anyone seen the new 007 film yet? Trailers for the thing suggest it is a wham-bam offering full of fast cars with amazing optional extras, such as rockets and blondes, and nil reference to any world that the late Ian Fleming would have recognised. A shame.
Be nice – but it won’t happen – if the filmmakers could produce a Bond movie set in the
1050s. Lots of dry martinis and rugged British patriotic heroes taking on the evil Commies.
Hi David
Scary post. What happens if the man in question does go about getting this consent and then she changes her mind after the event anyway. Surely you are back to square one in so much as it remains one person’s word against the other.
Eamon
Well, the devil will be in the detail and I have yet to see the detail. However, it sounds like the traditional defence of honestly believing the woman consented is going to be scrapped.
But, where intercourse does actually take place, it will make it easier for a woman who wishes to be mischievious or vengeful for any reason to make an accusation of rape later. Even many years later.
However, some hope may lie with the judiciary who have taken it upon themselves recently to rein in some of the governments more stupid ideas in terms of their own interpretations.
Sounds like something out of a python sketch. Given that Q is now played by John Cleese…
I like your style