I think we need a Samizdata crowd-sourced entry to the Spectator’s Erdogan offensive poetry competition. Get to work, commentariat!
Edit: apologies for the slow moderation. Comments here seem to be triggering the smite bot a lot for some reason.
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55 comments to Erdogan Poetry |
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Had this one running for a few days over on CCIZ. My contribution…
There once was a Turkish President
Who, when it came to cruel tricks, wasn’t hesitant
He promised the EU
That he’ll see her through
Now there’s 60 million Turks here as residents
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
To Merkel and Erdogan,
I say: fuck you!
There was once a great Sultan-ah
Who found in his bottom, a banana
He said ‘It’s a smear,
Get me Merkel here!’
As a goat munched away his pyjamas.
There once was a ruler in Turkey
Whose brain was made of beef jerky.
Recep Tayyip had a thing for sheep,
Until he met Frau Merkel.
Of goats and islamists aplenty
Erdogan’s sent us already
But what we still lack
Is forthing and back
Erdogan’s wives on the telly
there was a great bully named Erdo
whose ethics and morals were weirdo
he shafted free speech
far as he could reach
now Merkel’s his bitch of the dayo.
Erdogan is Merkel’s Prince Charming?
How utterly, weirdly alarming!
Europa the brave
As Merkelian slave
Should prompt all Europeans everywhere, including German ones, to diss every World Leader they can think of, especially the real Turkeys,
And then set about their re-arming.
[It doesn’t scan unless you pernonce it “Air-DOY-uhn.” But what do the bloody Turks (sic) know about proper pronunciation anyway.]
Muhammand had a little lamb
Her name was Aisha
She might have been eleven.
I would point out that the Spectator’s contest rules specify that “limericks will be excluded from consideration from the top prize if they are (a) not obscene or (b) non-defamatory.” I’m not sure that any of the entries here (so far) meet those qualifications. Clearly not enough obscenity (where is NickM when we need him?), and even the defamation is pretty mild. Come on guys; you can do better!
There is a poem (although not a limerick, unfortunately) posted over at CCIZ by one “Pete in Whanganui” (not me) which really amused me and deserves repeating:
Erdogan evil
Seize Christian Churches and laughs
Pay back is a bitch
Can one seem smaller
Where humor or self display
Erdogan can.
How did I miss it! That is really quite entertaining, Laird. :>)!
And quite nicely defamatory, unless of course it’s true.
Under the fez of the Turk Erdoo
Is a post-caprine-coital hairdo
Performed as bidden by Allah
Completed with a grunt and a holler
As done to Ataturk’s secular state too
There once was a Turk, Erdogan
With a dick like a grain sand
Then wife number 4 became a whore
So at least she could sleep
With a man.
Erdogan descends.
Denying speech and freedom,
as demons from hell would.
Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish Bath?
It is therein that there is no math
Where twelve immigrants count as maybe two
And Erdogan makes vectors that say EU
Whence they come we cannot know
Wherez they go, Merkel cannot show
But soon the Ataturk will play the part
That deadly arrow in Europe’s heart
A dick there once was and there wasn’.
What you get when a goat is your cousin.
It’d make some really good verse
To say his brains were reversed.
As he’s lacking the bottom, it doesn’.
Left out a syllable.
There once was a Turk,Erdogan.
With a dick like a grain of sand
Then wife number four
Became a whore
So at least she could sleep with a man.
In Istanbul did Erdogan
A stately ego-dome decree:
Where Jan, the sacred comedian, ran
his mouth, measureless to man
Down to the humorless flea.
Ill not desecrate the poem any further.
these are some damn good poems
Erdo the prick has only one trick
to show he’s a muslim dick
he fucks the free speech
of all he can reach
while Merkel gets fucked by his shtick
Ole Erdogan was a muslim goat
who fell in a smelly old moat
a pig came along
and sang his swan song
so Erdo got the garrote
There once was a ruler of turkey,
Who fucked goats like that Merkel of Germany.
But when a young man,
Comedian Jan,
Took note of this they took his liberty.
I know laughing at Erdo appeals,
But please try to think how he feels.
He can’t help it if he
Would much rather be
A meth whore in fishnets and heels.
There once was a young poet in Germany,
Who mocked the goat fucking ruler of Turkey.
But despite what he thought,
He lacked the support,
Of the Chancellor who wrote off his liberty.
There once was a comedian in Germany,
Who mocked Erdogan via the medium of poetry.
Yet the Turkish cunt called
Frau Merkel who thought
A prosecution would add to her legacy.
There once was a Chancellor of Germany,
With a taste for Middle Eastern dictatory.
She dragged out to the court,
A young man who thought,
That free speech was a democratic liberty.
There was a young chap name of Erdogan,
who was out molesting the herd again.
T’would be quite the trick,
giv’n his wee li’l wick,
thus he earned the “Best Or’l” award again.
—
A chap name of President Erdogan,
was quite fond of on-the-hoof cardigan.
He’d struggle and groan,
and shiver and moan,
but ever did he disappoint again.
—
Pres. Erdogan, a chap syphallitic,
gave a fatwa ‘gainst a German critic.
Cowardly Merkel,
squaring the circle,
sold freedom out gladly in just a tick.
—
I’m not saying that he’s a goat fucker,
or of sheep’s members that he’s a sucker,
but pigs fit the bill
and Erdogan will
get right down upon his knees and pucker.
—
His fellows like their boys on a Thursday,
but that never appealed to our Erday.
When Thursday night came,
t’was always the same,
he spent it with goat dick up his bomb bay.
—
When young Jan called Erdo a goat fucker,
Merkel’s elite ass surely did pucker.
But maybe the bloke
just might have misspoke –
what he meant was Erdo’s a goat sucker.
—
Erdogan’s moustache is quite a treasure,
it’s acknowledged by most any measure.
A real source of pride,
all the nation wide,
and to the goats to which it gives pleasure.
More Dhimmi than Thou
The spigot of terror, mid-east poison dripped by Erdogan,
A river of exiles, now Europe’s fairest gripped by herd o’ glans.
Then Böhmermann did ridicule with Turkish T-M-I,
And to the tyrant’s loud whinging, free folks said, “G-F-Y!”
“You must punish my critics!” spoke sheep-shagging Recep.
“We’ll fold like a Frenchman!’ fawned Frau Merkel the Harelip.
Thus the Islamic tide snuffed all in deep dhimmitude,
‘Cross Europe as it sank beneath sick decrepitude.
It was always an absolute mystery,
What Erdogan got up to when frisky.
He’d take off his coat,
Fuck the arse off a goat,
and splash out his jizz on our liberty!
Comedian, anally mistaken
For a fine piece of fat German bacon
Told us Erdogan’s dick
A miniscule stick
Takes 72 goats to awaken
There was once a bestial precedent,
Set by a Chancellor’s abandonment,
Of German liberty
To a goat in Turkey,
Who ensured her an enlarged anal cavity.
After Mayavosky.
Socialist Maiden relent!
You exhaust the Turk.
How can the Zampolit stand
So cuckolded?
Gordon wins the can of Coke. Brilliant stuff!
Omigod, an Instalanche!
Recep, a cuckolded Turk
Was trying to learn how to twerk
But his dick was too small, he had only one ball
So the balance never quite worked
We haven’t seen a haiku yet:
Erdogan fucks goats
Merkel nurtures his fetish
Jealousy or fear?
A poxy Turk named Erdogan
Complained his dick hurt again
“Wife 3 take a look if you could.”
But she scoffed, “If I could see it, I would.”
Recep knows a whore in Levant
Who cares not that his dick’s like an ant’s.
She just says “Is it me that you’re happy to see,
or is that a flea in you pants.
IYou can send your entry to Chancellor Merkel here by the way.
https://www.bundeskanzlerin.de/Webs/BKin/EN/Service/Contact/kontaktform_node.html;jsessionid=E3934F717EB21BDCF1CFD89BDC137517.s1t2
😀
Erdogan & Merkel sitting in a tree
k-i-s-s-i-n-g
first comes love, then comes marriage
then comes Erdo in a billy-goat’s carriage.
The little boy cried out, “Oh, Erdogan!”
Said his father “Don’t use that foul word again!”
He answered, “Well, Dad,”
“I know it is bad,
But I’ve just trodden on a huge turd again.”
It is important to remember that that it was not “the Turks” as an ethic group who slaughtered the Armenians and other Christians (Sunday was the anniversary of the Armenian genocide of 1915) – it was the forces of Islam.
And the persecution of the Armenians started in the early 700s – long before there were Turks in the area.
Erodgan could not care less about Turkey or the Turks.
He cares about Islam – and his role in the Islamic forces.
Nothing else matters to Erodgan.
Paul Marks: I very much doubt that. Erdogan is very hostile to the aspirations of Turkey’s Kurdish minority. There are some Islamists whose religious sentiments transcend their ethnic affiliations (recent western converts, for instance), but for most, religious and ethnic arrogance are two sides of one coin.
There once was an arseho1e called Recip
At every slightest slight he would flip
“Frau Merkel, I thank her:
Before I was a wanker;
She now indulges me by wielding the whip”
Last line better as
“How I love it when she uses the whip!”
No Rich Rostrum – Erdogan does not hate the Kurds because they are Kurds (far from it).
He hates them because (to him) they are not proper Muslims – after all they are pre Islamic population who adopted Islam to end persecution, and they seek-their-own-national-state.
Proper Muslims should not seek an independent state – they should be happy to be part of the general Islamic Empire – under Erodgan and his wise successors, ruling from the 1000 room palace that Erodgan has had built.
As politics in Turkey
Get ever more Murky
Frau Merkel swaps beer
For Erdogan’s diarrhoea
There’s a Turk cocksucker named Erdogan
who fucks sheep while wearing a wool cardigan.
He thinks with a grunt
as he spoogest on sheep rump
Merkel’s face = sexy camel ass again.
Why all this angst? I’m sure that if former members of the stasi were to ask the comedian nicely enough, he would confess that he was just kidding…
NEWSFLASH:
Boris Johnson has won it, with a very good effort